WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN COACHING, SEX THERAPY, AND SEX SURROGACY?
Sex therapy is similar to other types of talk therapy, but the focus is on concerns and/or questions pertaining to your sexuality. Sex therapists are especially trained to work with sexual issues unlike other therapists, but the nature of the experience is similar – the use of talk therapy to navigate and resolve life’s challenges. The therapist might assign activities for you to try at home, but experiential learning does not take place during the sessions.
Sex surrogacy takes a slightly different approach. A certified surrogate works with a therapist to help clients build their awareness of and skills with physical and emotional intimacy. The surrogate and the therapist develop a plan and series of practices to support the psychotherapeutic goals that will best serve the client. The purpose of sex surrogacy is therapeutic, although of course, learning is a big part of that.
My work is quite distinct from sex therapy and surrogacy because the intention is to help you learn about your sexuality, rather than achieving psychotherapeutic goals. It’s the difference between education and therapy. Of course, Pleasure Coaching can support healing around sexual concerns, and many clients find that this approach helps them move more quickly through that process, however, it is not a substitute for therapy. For some people, Pleasure Coaching compliments their work with a therapist.
WHY DO YOU CALL YOURSELF AN EROTIC COACH?
Erotic Coaching is focused on helping you define and achieve your dreams with your erotic life. Most of us were not educated about our sexual selves. Consequently, we can fall into habits that have developed over many years. Sometimes we need a bit of help breaking out of these habits. Erotic Coaching can be helpful to break these old habits and define a new erotic energy for yourself.
Coaching can be helpful to address a number of concerns. As an example, we may have concerns around sexual performance. This anxiety can cause us to detach from any pleasurable experience. A coaching session is not about performance – it’s about being present in your experience. This focus on presence can help you be in your body without becoming concerned about performance issues.
The sessions are entirely focused on you – there is no expectation for you to do anything except breathe and be present. Through breathing, connection and touch that honors all parts of male energy I help men to connect with their mind, body and spirit.
ISN’T THIS JUST A DISGUISE FOR SEX WORK OR ESCORTING?
No. I fully respect sex workers and escorts. They provide a very valuable service. However, their services are most often focused on providing you with a single sexual experience.
I decided early on that I would not be an escort because I do not want to deal with the complications of mixing my personal and professional sex lives. Escorts must be ready to perform at any time and must delicately balance their personal and professional lives. I prefer to keep my personal sex life my own; consequently, I am not available for sexual interaction with clients.
My work is focused on helping you learn something new about erotic pleasure that you can take with you after we are complete and use for the rest of your life. An escort will give you a delicious meal for the evening. I will show you how to cook a delicious meal for yourself any time you wish!
WHAT DOES A TYPICAL FIRST SESSION LOOK LIKE?
Coaching is an amazing experience, but it’s not the right fit for everyone. So before you come to see me, I’ll schedule a short phone call so we can talk about what is going on for you and how my work can be of service to you. If we both decide that time together would be useful, we’ll plan our first session and you’ll be asked to do some reflection and thinking about what you want to get out of our time together.
There’s no such thing as a typical session. A session is focused on what you want. The session provides a safe container for you to have whatever experience you need. Sessions can be extremely intense and life-altering. There are many things that we can do during a session. These things can include: being held and cherished; role-playing (father-son, mother-son, God, partner, or any other role), breathwork and meditation, touch, accessing erotic trance, confronting issues with your ass or cock, practicing death, flogging or spanking. The formats are limitless. I will also invite you to do some erotic assignments on your own or with your partner in between our sessions.
The sessions are intended to help you learn more about your erotic self. They are not intended to fulfill our human desire for sexual connection nor are they designed to necessarily give you an orgasmic experience. I do maintain boundaries around the touch I offer. I’m happy to discuss my boundaries with you so that we can be clear on our intentions for the session. The first step in a coaching session is to create the intention you wish to have for the experience.
WHAT IS YOUR TRAINING FOR THIS WORK?
I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker – certified by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and approved by the State of California.
In addition I am trained as a Sacred Intimate from the Body Electric School. I have also completed training in Life Coaching from the Coaches Training Institute.
I have completed over 900 hours of massage training and am very well trained in healing touch.
I weave these complimentary backgrounds to offer you erotic education in a safe environment.
IS THIS ONLY FOR MEN? DOES THIS MEAN YOUR CLIENTS ARE GAY?
My clients range in age from 18 to their 80′s. Any man 18 or older is welcome. The sexual orientation of a client is not relevant. I have many clients who don’t identify as being attracted to other men, but are looking to learn more about their erotic self.
My work is about male energy. I believe that all people have male energy. My work is focused on persons who identify as male. This doesn’t mean you have to be biologically male. I welcome trans guys as well as people questioning or exploring their gender identity.
DO I HAVE TO DO ANYTHING I DON’T WANT TO DO?
I like to think of this work as taking a road trip. You’re driving the car and you decide how fast we go and where we’re headed. We’ll make sure we stay on course and offer suggestions for things to explore, but ultimately, you’re the one in charge. That means that we depend on you to be an active participant in this process. This work is self-directed.
At the start of each session, we’ll talk about the goals for our time together and discuss how we’ll work towards them. We’ll only do the work that you actively say yes to, and you can change any part of your yes to a no at any time. If there’s something that you say no to at the beginning, it will be a no for the rest of that session. We sometimes have the impulse to change our minds partway through an experience, and while that can often work out well, it can also lead to regret or discomfort later on. We want to make sure that doesn’t happen, so your no will stay a no for that session. There’s always an opportunity to explore it in the future. Of course, there are also maybes. You might not know how something will feel until we move towards it. Part of making sure that a maybe has become a yes is checking in before proceeding.
As an educational process, this work is most effective when we’re following the ever-changing learning edge. As you develop new skills, your comfort zone expands and we need to stretch in order to keep learning. You are in control of that process and you set the pace.
MASTURBATION COACHING SOUNDS REALLY SILLY. WHAT BENEFITS CAN I GET FROM A MASTURBATION COACH?
When did you learn how to masturbate? If you’re like most men you probably learned sometime when you were between 11 and 14 years old. How old are you now? How much more do you know about pleasure and your body than when you were 11 to 14? Are you masturbating the same way now as you did at that age? If so, why? Is that method still serving you? Do you still experience extreme pleasure from that method? If not, perhaps it’s time to look at the way you masturbate. There are profound states of pleasure that can be accessed through masturbation.
Coaching helps you access those states.
If you’re in a relationship, masturbation is a way to share yourself openly with your partner. I believe that you can’t make love with a partner until you learn to make love with yourself. Coaching can help you access how to do that and take those skills and learnings into your relationship.
WHAT CAN I EXPECT FROM MASTURBATION COACHING?
The first step is to complete a brief questionnaire that focuses on the outcomes you want. I’ll then ask you several questions to fine tune your responses and help me understand better what you want to accomplish through the work.
We’ll do some exercises together and I’ll invite you to do some home assignments to expand your learnings. The experiences are intended to help you learn more about self-pleasuring so that you can take these experiences into your erotic life after the time we have together is finished.
WHAT KIND OF HOME ASSIGNMENTS SHOULD I EXPECT?
The home assignments are varied and tailored to your experiences. Some examples may include journaling, mirror exercises, videotaping yourself and privately viewing the video. I may ask you to set intentions when masturbating – for example, to not ejaculate for today. I may also invite you to masturbate with your partner then spend some time talking with each other about the experience.
DO YOU WORK WITH SINGLES OR COUPLES?
Pleasure Coaching can be done with both singles and couples. As a single person I can help you become more comfortable in your body or asking for what you want. As a couple, I can help you with communicating your erotic desires with your partner. I request that you bring your partner if you would like to work on interpersonal erotic skills.
WHAT ARE YOUR HOURS AND HOW FAR AHEAD DO I NEED TO SCHEDULE?
I take in-person appointments Tuesdays through Fridays beginning at 10:00am and my last appointment is finished at 10:30pm. On Saturdays I see clients from 10:00am and finish at 6:30pm. I don’t see clients on Sundays or Mondays.
My calendar is now available from this website! This should help you find a time that is open. Since the calendar is always changing and I limit the number of sessions per day, please understand that an open time slot may not actually be available for an appointment. Please phone or email me to arrange for telephone coaching sessions.
I’m usually fully booked 3 to 4 days in advance, but that can vary. If you would like a same day appointment please call or text me at 415-994-2305 to check my availability. The more advance notice you can provide the better chance you will have of getting a time that’s best for you. I check my email and voicemail frequently. To honor the preparation needed for this work, I do not book same day appointments.
DO YOU DO OUTCALLS?
I’m sorry but all sessions need to be at my studio.
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT/DEBIT CARDS OR PERSONAL CHECKS?
I accept Visa and MasterCard for all sessions. Established clients may also pay with a personal check. I ask that first-time clients pay with credit/debit card or cash. I can provide a receipt if you need one.
DO YOU OFFER DISCOUNTS OF GIFT CERTIFICATES?
Yes! I offer a prepaid card with a built-in discount. If you pay for five 60 or 90 minute sessions in advance, your 6th session is complimentary. I also have gift certificates available as a wonderful way to give the gift of massage to your friends!
HOW MUCH TIME SHOULD I RESERVE?
It depends on what you are looking for. Regular clients who have experienced my sessions often opt to be together for 90 minutes. Some people prefer longer sessions; I’ve given sessions for up to 3 hours. If your time is limited or you would like an introduction to my work, I have 60 minute sessions available but please keep in mind that 60 minutes isn’t that much time. I believe that pleasure is something that takes commitment and some time to practice.
I’M NOT HAPPY WITH MY BODY. I THINK I’M UGLY. HOW WILL I BE TREATED?
Your age, body type and looks are not important to me. Many men with body image concerns find this work to be a transforming experience. My intention is to honor you exactly where you are – your age or looks are not relevant. The only restriction is that you must be 18 or over. My youngest client saw me on his 18th birthday! My oldest clients are well into their 80’s.