Fisting

In my experience, fisting is the most relaxing and profound erotic experience I’ve ever had in my body. Many people are surprised to hear this; there’s an assumption that fisting is an aggressive, sometimes violent, activity. In my experience nothing could be further from the truth. For me, fisting has been an incredible journey helping me know more about my body and how to let go.

The term fisting can apply to insertion of the hand into either the vagina or the anus. For this discussion I’m using the term to apply to anal fisting. Contrary to the term, fisting isn’t inserting a fist into the anus. Actually it’s more like a slow anal massage – beginning with light external touch – then working in one finger then additional fingers until the entire hand is inserted. Also, you don’t make a fist when inserting your hand. Actually it’s more like a “duck bill” with your thumb and small finger close together and your hand compressed into a small space. But more on that later.

If you’re curious about fisting and want to explore fisting as a top, a bottom or both I’m happy to help you explore in a supportive and comfortable environment that understands and respects your limits.

Anatomy

anal_anatomyA basic understanding of rectal anatomy is important for fisting. The pelvic musculature, or levator ani muscles and the internal and external anal sphincter muscles, bind the end portion of the rectum and anus. The sphincter muscles at the anal opening are very elastic and, with practice and awareness, can be relaxed at will. In fact, the ability to consciously relax your anal sphincter is a basic skill for fisting. The sphincter can be relaxed to easily accommodates a penis, a toy or a hand.

Beyond the anal sphincter lies the rectum. The rectum makes up the last five to ten inches of the large intestine, beginning at the anal sphincter and ending at the sigmoid colon. The rectum is made of folded tissue that can greatly change in size and, when relaxed, can easily accommodate a hand.

The bend at junction of the rectum and the sigmoid colon is surrounded by a rigid muscle that is semi-voluntary. It can be coaxed into relaxing, but it takes patience to relax this part of the body. This area is often referred to as the “second sphincter” even though this isn’t a sphincter. The S-shaped sigmoid colon makes up the end part of the large intestine.

Preparation

Fisting is not something that you can rush into. Check on the page on anal hygiene for more information about cleaning out the rectum. As you gain more practice and familiarity with your body, you’ll be able to tell when you’ve cleaned out enough. In general, I suggest two separate cleanouts with about 30 to 45 minutes in between.

I also recommend relaxing and preparing your mind as well as your body. A relaxed mind and body means a relaxed rectum. During the break between clean out sessions, spend some quiet time relaxing or meditating. Clear your head of the stress of the day. As you’re meditating, notice how your anus and rectum feel. Can you tell how relaxed that part of the body is just by focusing your attention there?

Be sure to allow plenty of time for relaxing and cleaning out when planning your playtime. If you’re rushed and stressed out getting ready for a play date, it’s going to be pretty hard to relax and enjoy the experience.

Men sometimes mention that they’re interested in fisting but have never experienced it before and don’t know where to begin. One of the best ways is to become comfortable with anal touch. Self touch, anal massage, partner touch and anal sex are great ways to get comfortable with anal pleasure. I often suggest anal toys too. Anal toys can help you get to know your body and its limits. In addition, anal toys are a great way to practice the relaxation needed for fisting.

Lube

Lube is a matter of personal preference. The classic choice is Crisco. It’s very slick, it’s cheap and lasts a long time. Some people don’t care for the smell of Crisco, but many have noticed that the formula changed recently and the reformulation removed the smell. Of course any brand of vegetable shortening will work. Just avoid those with lots of scents and additives. Shortening does not wash away with water, so liquid dish soap can come in very handy at cleanup time. (Many fisters love Dawn dish washing liquid for cleanup.) There are several commercial lubes intended for fisting. Slam Dunk, Elbow Grease and Shaft offer many of the advantages of shortening, but can be cleaned up with soap and water. No discussion of fisting lubes would be complete without mentioning J-Lube. J-Lube is a veterinary lube that comes in a powder and is mixed with water before use. It’s very slippery so be careful if it gets on the floor. Cleanup of J-Lube is difficult – it’s very stringy and lasts a long time. But salt water breaks it down and greatly helps with cleanup.

I personally prefer a mix of Crisco and J-Lube. I add a few drops of clove oil to soothe the tissues. This mix works well for me!

Safety

The lining of the rectum and the colon are very delicate tissues. You want to make sure that there’s nothing that can irritate these tissues. To begin, check your fingernails and keep them trimmed and filed.

I strongly recommend that you use gloves when fisting. Unbroken skin is a barrier to HIV and hepatitis. However, there are often small, sometimes invisible, cuts in the skin that could be a transmission path. In addition, small microscopic cuts in the rectum are common. While these cuts aren’t dangerous to the bottom, they do provide a transmission path for both HIV or hepatitis.

There are three main types of gloves available. nitrile, latex and vinyl. Generally all types are available at most drug stores. Nitrile gloves are my personal favorite. They have a good feel for both the top and bottom and I’m not aware of any allergic reaction to nitrile. Latex gloves are common, but some people are allergic to latex. Vinyl gloves aren’t very popular because this material tends to dull the tactile sensations.

The most important safety rule with fisting is: Don’t share lube! Once you dipped your hand in a container of lube then inserted that hand in someone’s butt and reinserted the hand back in the lube, that container has all the germs from the bottom. For this reason, it’s usually expected that a bottom brings his own lube. Sometimes there is a communal container, but that container should only be handled with a utensil and dispensed into a smaller container for each person’s use.

Sometimes the top may notice that the lube is a bit pink after play. This happens from blood mixing with the lube. The lining of the rectum is full of tiny blood capillaries. It’s not unusual for some of these capillaries to break during play. The vast majority of the time, this situation isn’t a problem, but it is an indication of the need to slow down or stop. If the lube is bright red or has spots of red, that’s when it’s time to stop. Let the bottom know there there’s more than a little blood and he should stop for the evening. Sometimes bottoms think they can go on even with blood; that’s not a good idea.

The sphincter muscles are highly expandable and routine fisting does not damage the muscles. However, it is important that you be able to fully feel what’s going on for your body. In addition to using lots of lube, I strongly discourage using drugs or alcohol when fisting. The drugs can numb your body to the feelings and you could cause damage because you weren’t aware of the limits of your body. It’s best to be fully aware and feel everything that’s going on with your body. That way you’ll know if something isn’t right and can slow down or stop.

Headspace

It took me over a year from the time I was first interested in fisting until I was able to take someone’s hand. I’ve found that a key to the complete relaxation needed for fisting is to let go of the noise that we all have in our head and surrender to the experience. Of course, this is easier said than done.

Some of the noise comes in the form of what if’s. “What if I’m not clean?” “What if I can’t relax?” “What if I don’t trust the top I’m with?” Successful fisting requires trust; that trust is not only toward your partner but also trust with yourself. The easiest way to get trust is to communicate. Talk to your partner. Tell him your limits. Tell him your concerns. Tell him what’s going on for you as you get ready to play.

There are also some practical aspects to trust. When you’re playing with someone new, make sure you feel good about playing with him. For many people, playing at a party provides some assurance because there are other people available if you need them to help you out. Check your gut instinct. But, by all means, talk with any potential partner before playing.

fistingPlay

Once you’ve talked with your play partner and have a good feel about continuing, it’s time to begin. Most fisting is done on a sling. The sling not only puts your butt in the best position for play, but it’s also quite comfortable.

You’ll want to make sure that you have some needed supplies – paper towels, a lining to protect the floor from mess (newspaper works great.) You’ll want to have gloves handy too. It helps if you have more that you think you’ll need since you may need to re-glove during a scene.

The top generally begins by warming up the bottom’s butt. Gentle, light strokes and glides can do wonders! As the top begins to notice the anal sphincter relax he can gently insert one finger. Each time you insert more be aware of the resistance of the tissues. You shouldn’t be pushing in hard. As long as you are firmly but not aggressively pushing you should slip right in. If you have to push hard, the bottom is most likely not relaxed enough yet.

Keep inserting additional fingers. Once you get to 3 or 4 fingers you want to move your hand into a “duck bill” shape. Bring your thumb and little finger as close as possible and keep firmly but gently pushing in. You’ll notice the anal sphincter relax more and more to let you in. Yes, there is some resistance, but fisting isn’t about aggression.

The hardest part of inserting is the knuckles of the hand. When you get here just keep with the firm and gentle pressure and as long as the bottom is relaxed, you should find yourself in pretty easily. For those new at fisting, this may be as far as you can go for now. Be patient.

As you have more of your hand inside, be aware that small movements are greatly magnified. A small movement of the top’s hand is felt by the bottom as a pretty big movement. Slow and gentle is best once you’re inside. Check in often with your partner.

In my experience the most important element in a fisting scene is the connection I have with the person I’m with. Of course, this connection doesn’t mean that we’re getting married, but it does mean that I need to know we’re both in this together and are present for the experience. In addition to the connection, there must be communication. Both persons must share and listen to each other. Each person should be clear on what he wants, his experience, and his limits.

It’s important to be aware of your intuition and listen to it. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. Both people need to be comfortable with what’s going on in the scene. If you’re noticing pain or uncomfortable sensations, that’s an indication for a break or a timeout. Either the top or the bottom can close a scene if they’re uncomfortable. Fisting isn’t so much about a power dynamic than it’s about trust.

Once you trust the top and learn to relax that’s when the magic happens. In addition to profound relaxation, it’s common to experience whole body orgasms. These orgasms can sweep across your body in waves and are an incredible experience! Whole body orgasms from fisting aren’t generally cock focused and there usually isn’t a full ejaculation. Some guys enjoy cock stimulation while getting fisted and other guys don’t. Generally, I don’t focus that much on my cock when getting fisted. Sometimes cock touch causes my butt to tighten a bit. However, there are times when cock touch takes me over the edge and cumming with a hand inside is an amazing experience!

Aftercare

As the scene is coming to a conclusion, aftercare is very important. Both men have had this incredible experience. Savoring the experience is important; slow and gentle is best here. The top can take a few paper towels and clean up any excess lube then help the bottom slowly get out of the sling. Sometimes bottoms may feel a bit lightheaded and need some time to get their balance back after bring in the sling. The top can hold onto the bottom and make sure he’s got his balance back by offering a warm hug.

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