If someone asks you
how the perfect satisfaction
of all our sexual wanting will look,
lift your face and say,
Julaluddin Rumi 1207-1273
Are you happy with your erotic life? Have you experienced truly being in sexual bliss? Do you experience blocks or obstacles to erotic ecstasy? Do you experience shame or guilt after sexual experiences? Are you happy with your body? Do you feel stuck in repeating erotic patterns? What would you like to change?
These are some of the questions that individual pleasure coaching can help you address.
The path to erotic fulfillment begins within yourself. Before you can connect with another, you need to experience confidence in yourself and acceptance of your desires.
As we are growing up, we receive many lessons from parents, teachers, and other elders. Most of us were taught that sex is a vile, nasty, evil thing. We were taught that sex is only to be used to procreate. There are alternatives. Sexuality can be a glorious, spiritual expression. What is usually missing is training on erotic pleasure. Over time, blockages can occur. These blockages can interfere with complete erotic pleasure. Time with a Sacred Intimate can hep you to reclaim your birthright and a way to retrain your body, mind and spirit and begin removing the blocks that interfere with your own sexual pleasure and your intimate connections.
Areas we can work on include:
- To feel powerful and confident by being your true self.
- To recognize and be comfortable with your sexual energy in all aspects of your life.
- To be comfortable expressing your desires and listening to the desires of your partner.
- To be confident in your sexual body and comfortable with both the raw, primal part as well as the calm, gentle part.
- To be confident with your sexual skills with a partner.
I bring three complimentary skills to this work. I have been trained by The Body Electric School as a Sacred Intimate- completing both the basic and advanced workshops. I am a Certified Sexological Bodyworker – certified by the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality and approved by the State of California. Sexological Bodyworkers are somatic (body based), erotic educators. I also completed the Co-Active Coaching Program at The Coaches Training Institute. I weave these three complimentary backgrounds together to help you get what you want out of your erotic life.
Who Benefits from the Work?
Sometimes we can feel that we’re stuck in a rut and the habits we’ve developed over the years no longer serve us. Together, we can explore what a truly fulfilling sex life would look like. From this exploration, we can begin to craft exercises and experiences to help you be more comfortable in exploring new opportunities.
Sometimes men are curious about a particular sexual activity and want more information. Many times we don’t know where to turn for accurate, non-judgmental information. These sessions can be an opportunity for you to get that information you’re looking for. Unlike traditional therapy, this work not only offers you a way to talk about sexual questions but also have an experience in your body to help lock in the feeling. That experience can be something simple and useful like learning to let go and receive nurturing sensual touch without having to reciprocate. In other cases, this may mean an experience of a specific activity. Often, it’s a combination of both.
Men in Recovery
Pleasure coaching can be particularly effective for men in recovery from substance abuse or men who are addressing compulsive or habitual sexual behaviors. The support systems in 12 step programs are wonderful for helping to stop the addiction and begin the path toward recovery. Unfortunately, I’ve found that 12 step programs do not address how to reclaim our sexuality while staying clean and sober.
This can be a challenge for some men because, in many cases, the addiction and sex are intertwined. The recovery programs do not address how to be sexual while in recovery. Usually the model mentioned is to avoid any triggering situation; for many men sex can be a trigger. There may be a period, especially early in recovery, when refraining from sex may be needed. However, after time in recovery, men are sometimes afraid of exploring their sexuality and feel deprived of enjoyable sexual experiences. I strongly believe that you can be both clean and sober and sexually fulfilled. I’ve worked with men to help them find a fulfilling and satisfying sexual life while staying clean and sober.
Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Some men who are survivors of sexual abuse have found this work helpful to learn how to have the fulfilling sexual life they want. Sometimes, male survivors have never been able to define their boundaries; we can not only can work together to define and practice setting boundaries, but I can also provide an experience seeing those boundaries honored and respected. We can create practice sessions that are focused on saying no and meaning it as well as comfortably saying yes. Once we’ve set boundaries, our sessions can help create that trust that is often missing.
Some male survivors experience sex as a performance and have little experience in saying what they want. I’ve worked with men to help clarify what they want and communicate their wishes. Sacred Intimate sessions can help male survivors really listen to their body to see what they want rather than having to perform.
I’ve also worked with men who are experiencing unfulfilled hyper-sexuality. Hyper-sexuality is sometimes due to a lack of consciousness or fulfillment around sex. It can be more about validation than fulfillment. This work can provide experiences in seeing yourself as a whole person and can help men learn to be present and conscious around their sexual lives.
Prostate Cancer Survivors
The medical community has done wonders for men with prostate cancer or in need of prostate surgery. However, in many cases, the medical community doesn’t help survivors of prostate cancer learn how to be sexual again. It’s unfortunate, but many assume that survivors of prostate cancer won’t be sexual again.
I’ve worked with men to help reclaim their sexuality after prostate cancer. Yes, there are physiological issues that will change the way the body responds; however, it is possible to have a rich and joyous sexual life as a cancer survivor.
Many times couples fall into an erotic rut. The erotic energy that was very intense early in the relationship can wane as each person becomes more comfortable in the relationship. Often times, the couple is hesitant to talk about the issue because of fear.
Other times couples fall out of sync erotically – each of you may have very different erotic needs and desires. Yet, both of you are committed to the relationship and don’t want to explore erotic contact with others outside of the relationship.
I work with couples to rekindle the erotic energy. I can show you how to do erotic massage on each other and offer other activities to re-ignite that spark!
I work with straight, bi and gay male couples. I ask that both partners come to at least one session. Depending on the nature of the work, we may continue the work together or I may invite each of you to experience an individual session.
Beginning Our Work
We start our sessions by talking about what you want. We’ll focus on your thoughts, feelings and experiences with your sexual expression. We’ll look at your values – what sexual fulfillment would look like for you. Then we’ll create an understanding of how we’ll work together. The way we work together may include talk, role play, body based experiences and homework to support you in achieving your erotic desires.
There are many sexuality teachers. Most of these teachers focus their efforts on the experiential aspect of sexuality. While experiential study can be helpful, these teachers aren’t versed in the science behind sexuality. I have studied sexuality from both the scientific and the experiential perspective. I bring both perspectives to the work. Also some teachers have their perspectives on sexuality and pleasure. They may bring predefined beliefs and opinions to the work. Sexuality is highly individualistic; I believe that it’s important to understand your boundaries, your choice and your comfort. At the same time, I will help you explore new understandings that fit in with your individual choices.
I invite you to contact me to find out more about this important work.