I’m clear that my Beast and I need to be integrated. It’s time to quit referring to him as a separate entity. In some ways I feel like a werewolf – torn between my animal urges and supposed human self control. Yet I also realize that being human is also accepting and integrating my animal urges.
How do I do this?
I decrease my reliance on vision. I have five senses. I need to learn how to use them all. Like most guys, I rely upon my vision more than the other senses in my erotic life. After my experience in being blindfolded at Mindful Self-Loving, I’m going to focus more on developing my other senses.
I quit using colognes and deodorant over 10 years ago. I found that making natural body smell no longer worked for me and that daily bathing was enough for social hygiene. The perfumes and chemicals we apply just get in the way. Natural body smells help return me to that primal space. There’s something about natural body smells that is also a big turn-on that ignites my Beast.
When playing with others, I’m somewhat mimicking my dogs. I’m smelling the person I’m with to get to know him. I’m learning how to use my intuition to gather information from scent. I’m also surprised that there much information to gather! I don’t need to analyse and ‘figure out’ what the scents mean. Relying upon my intuition seems to work quite well.
I’m expressing myself through sound much more. Sometimes the sounds are quiet purrs. Other times the sounds are loud moans. I’m not editing myself and just letting out whatever sound needs to come out. The response form others has been very encouraging! I’m getting many comments from those I play with that they too enjoy the sound I’m making. I used to think that others would be put off or even think that the noise is strange. I’m finding out that others like the sound too!
While making more sound I’m actually using fewer words. Language is a great tool useful in many situations. I’m finding in my erotic life that words can also get in the way. When I”m speaking I’m in my head. When I let go of the need for words, it’s easier to get out of my head. Of course, there are many times when words are needed – just not as often as I would have thought they were needed.
I’m expressing my wild side. I found myself playfully biting. More surprisingly, the person I was with responded by bringing his beast out to play too! I played with how some animals carry their children by biting on the back of the neck. As I was biting my playmate on the back of his neck I noticed that this really charged both of us. While biting I also notice my taste. I learn how to taste the other person’s skin. I find that I can pick up his beast through what I notice in my mouth as I’m biting. Definitely more play biting, scratching and general roughhousing!
Finally, I need a name to call my Beast. He is part of me. He provides my drive, ambition and determination. He is the horny part of me that wants to fuck a lot. He needs a name.