Many men are used to generating erotic pleasure in a few particular ways. When it comes to our solo pleasure, often we are used to only one way. Often that way is what we learned when we were much younger and we haven’t changed our methods since. Think about it, many of us learned about masturbation when we were around 12 through 15 years old. How many of the things that you enjoyed at that age do you continue to enjoy today? Why masturbate the same way?
Slowing things down and savoring can completely change the way we look at solo erotic play. By letting go of expectations and letting go of any particular goal, we can open up to new possibilities. The focus of this first exercise is to slow down and savor the sensations. Of- ten we go immediately for genital touch and focus our attention on getting and maintaining an erection. Experiment with slowing down your touch and see how it feels to you.
I recommend having a mirror close by where you can observe your body. This is especially important for men who are visually oriented – men often use our visual sense more than other senses. If you find yourself highly visually oriented, a mirror can help focus your attention back on your body. Position the mirror where you can see your face and most of your body.
I strongly recommend that you do not use porn. Porn can be a wonderful spark that gets us going, but it can also distract us from fully being in our body. We tend to pay more attention to what we’re seeing and not paying much attention to our body sensations when watching something else. I in- vite you to put it away for now.
I also recommend having a clock handy. We’ll be doing this exercise for 20 minutes. You’ll want to be aware of the time, but there’s no need to focus exclusively on the time.
Finally, before we begin, I invite you to let go of the need for an erection. Sometimes, we get so focused on having an erection that we can distance ourselves from the sensations. An erection isn’t needed for erotic sensations. In fact, amazing ecstasy can be had from a soft cock. (More on this in the next exercise!)
Begin this exercise by closing your eyes and checking in with your body. Note any areas that are tight or relaxed. Try not to judge your feelings – just note them. Scan your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
Create an intention to cultivate erotic energy from your entire body. Begin with the top of your head. Include your face and ears. Slowly caress your arms. Feel the sensation of your touch on the hairs of your skin. Caress your hands. Move to your chest. Play with your nipples. Include your belly in with your touch. Most of us ignore our bellies – some of us are ashamed of this part of our body. Make love to your belly.
Include erotic touch of your cock and balls. Slow deliberate touch. Although you don’t need an erection, enjoy it if you have one. Many men find that an erection comes and goes during long, intense erotic play. Tickle your balls and your perineum (that spot between your balls and your anus.) Caress the tender places on the inside of your legs. Include your feet and toes.
Erotically wake up your entire body. Yes, your cock and balls can generate lots of erotic energy. But so can the rest of your body. Enjoy the slow in- crease of erotic energy.
After 20 minutes of this slow, deliberate touch gradually bring your self- touch exploration to a close. Check in with yourself and note what feels dif- ferent in your body now compared to when you began this exercise.
In this video follow along as I take about 30 minutes to wake up my body erotically. In the video notice that erection isn’t important at all. Also notice that I’m not building erotic energy by speeding things up; rather, I’m building the energy by slowing things down. Traditional orgasm or ejaculation isn’t the focus of this exercise, yet when I am complete my body feels completely at ease and relaxed.
During much of the video I talk about what I’m noticing in my body; my intention is to give men a framework from which to develop their own practice.
Needless to say, this video contains nudity and sexual content. It is not intended for those under 18 nor those who do not wish to view such material.
Let go of your thoughts and connect with yourself. Note what’s going on in your body. You may want to use a mirror to spend some time gazing into your eyes. Find a comfortable position that you can be in for a while. Many men find a slightly reclining position to be best for this exercise.
Before contacting with your body, begin with deep, relaxed breathing. Gently massage your legs, abdomen, thighs, chest, nipples and belly. Pour a small quantity of high-quality oil on the shaft of the Lingam and testicles. Begin gently massaging the testicles, taking care to not cause pain in this sensitive area. Massage the scrotum gently, causing it to relax. Massage the area above your penis, on the pubic bone. Massage the Perineum, the area between the testicles and anus. Take your time.
Massage the shaft of the penis. Vary the speed and pressure. Gently squeeze at the base with your right hand, pull up and slide off and then alternate with your left hand. Take your time doing this, right, left, right, left, etc. Then, change the direction by starting the squeeze at the head of the penis and then sliding down and off. Again, alternate with both your right and left hands.
Massage the head of your penis as if you are using a juicer. Massage all around the head and shaft. You will probably find that you will get hard, then go soft, get hard again, etc., which is a highly desirable Tantric experience, like riding a wave, bobbing up and down. Hardness and Softness are two ends of the pleasure spectrum. Let go of whether you’re hard or not – it’s not important for this.
If you feel as you are going to ejaculate, back off, allowing your penis to soften a little before resuming the massage. Do this several times, coming close to ejaculation, and then backing off. Remember, the goal is not orgasm in and of itself. There’s a page on ejaculatory mastery, but many men can learn the art of ejaculatory mastery and control by coming close to ejaculation and then backing off on the stimulation. Deep breathing is the key here and will reduce the urge to ejaculate. Eventually ejaculatory mastery will allow you to be in this erotic state as long as you want and you can become multi-orgasmic without losing a drop of semen. Orgasm and ejaculation are two different responses that you can learn to separate.